Dear Reader,
Do you by chance find yourself dating a cowboygirl? Did you talk to a girl you found attractive and suddenly find yourself neck deep in a world you know nothing about? Are you getting mixed signals of whether she likes you or not? As a cowboygirl myself, maybe I can help clear the air with a few tips and explanations.
1) Did she correct you or act kind of offended when you called her a “cowgirl”? Most people call the female versions of cowboys, cowgirls. It makes sense, but a lot of women in the ranching world prefer the term “cowboygirl.” In the ranching world “cowboy” is a bit more of a title, than it is the gender of cowhand, and all good hands like to be recognized by it. Adding “girl” to the end just helps clear up any confusion. When I think of the word cowgirl, I think of a Dale Evans aesthetic with a fringe skirt and bright red cowboy boots. Now there is nothing wrong with this picture, it’s just not really authentic or practical. And there are women out there that are perfectly fine with the term “cowgirl,” its really just personal preference.
2) Did she invite you to come meet the family and work cows with them? I want you to take a deep inhale and exhale. I know that was a traumatic experience, but everything is ok and they are not a bunch of psychos. There was probably a lot of yelling at cows, other people, faulty equipment, the government, the neighbors bull, and you (for no apparent reason). Your cowboygirl may have even yelled at you, but don’t take it to heart. This is as close to group therapy a ranching family is going to get, though it would probably fall more under trauma bonding. Most of the time the yelling is not even angry yelling, it’s just urgency. All you need to do is learn to get out of the way and how to tell the difference between each cow in a herd of all black cows (it’s quite obvious).
3) I know that women in general can be hard for men to understand, but if you are not used to ranching culture, your girl may seem even more cryptic. At times you may be wondering if she even really likes you. There are some pretty foolproof ways to tell if a cowboygirl likes you or not. If she tells you that you are a “good hand” or “pretty handy” this is one of the highest honors a person in the cowboying profession can bestow upon you. If you get asked to help work cows, work horses, or any sort of high stakes or stressful work, that’s a good sign that she enjoys your company, values your discernment, and feels like she can rely on you. (Note: if you are constantly being asked to do fencing projects or any type of work that involves your specific career, like being a diesel mechanic, you are probably being taken advantage of.)
4) Being in a relationship with a cowboygirl can be a bit complicated because cowboygirls are very self-reliant. Not in a stuck-up way, but if they know they can do the job without help, they probably won’t ask for it. Ranching a lot of times means getting yourself out of a jam because no one else is coming. Cowboygirls also know how to do a lot of things that are typically skills that men have. This can put them in awkward situations like having to put their foot down at the parts store because they are not about to come home again with the wrong part. It can also lead to them needing to tell their significant other that they are doing the job wrong way. They don’t want to offend their man, but they also can’t have something done incorrectly. The best way to navigate this is to not assume she doesn’t want help. Cowboygirls want a man who will do the job with them.
5) Cowboygirls have a reputation for being tough and no nonsense, which is true. But don’t forget that they are also just women. They all have their hobbies, personal styles, and bad hair days. Don’t be surprised if your cowboygirl loves books and sweaters, has a closet full of fashion, and has a bathroom full of hair products. Also keep in mind that there isn’t always time for crying in ranching, but no one said you couldn’t cry after the ranching is over for the day. Don’t freak out if your cowboygirl starts crying for no apparent reason, its probably been a long day of ranching.
Planning a life with a cowboygirl is a beautiful and adventurous thing. But if you choose her way of life, it will test both of you to the core. Miserable rainy days, dying cattle, and figuring out how to keep the ranch afloat will make your bones weary and your heart sore. But the days when all goes right, when you get to look out on your dreams right there in the front yard; or just drink your coffee together at the kitchen table in the silence of the gray morning, you will know you made the right choice.
From the Rancher's Daughter's Desk 