Causing Confidence

Dear Reader,

The risk of a new day (and sometimes the beauty of it) is that it has the potential to be the best day of your life or the worst. Sometimes bad days start off good and end up bad, and some days start off bad and end up good. And then there are those days in the middle that aren’t really bad, but they aren’t great either. You know, those days where little things of no consequence keep going wrong. Those days where you just can’t get your outfit right or your hair just won’t cooperate. Or those really irritating days when you think you have everything fixed on your truck, but then it starts making a new sound. And then there are those days where it seems you should have just stayed in bed.

I had one of those days last Saturday. I was asked last minute to volunteer as a judge for a 4-H event, not a big deal, I was happy to help. On my way to the competition, I realized my head band was navy blue and not black. Not a big deal. As I walked in the door I had the sinking feeling that I was going to have to deal with wearing a dress for more than just a little while. (I have worn dresses my whole life, but sometimes, especially when I am nervous, they are just not my favorite.)

After 2 hours of judging presentations with my back to a room of people, no coffee, and trying to make sure I tallied everything correctly, I escaped to my favorite coffee shop to do some writing.  It had been an easy morning as far as judging, but hard as far as dealing with the nagging feeling of trying not to feel awkward when talking and taking pictures. I was wishing I could have stayed home to clean out the barn with my sister (even if there were rats!). It being a Saturday and being very busy with weekenders, my coffee shop escape was not as much of an escape as I thought it would be.

Stick with me Dear Reader, I’m coming to the point.

Sitting uncomfortably in a corner by the door in a spot I usually avoid, I try not to make a general mess with my bagel while I work on my computer. After a while lady walks in and says, “Hi.” We talk about the coffee shops around the area; she is from about two hours away, but asks where I am from and about my name. We have a short, pleasant conversation that leaves me both surprised and pleased. Surprised because it always amazes me when strangers take a vested in me, not in a disturbing way, but in the genuine way of one human connecting to another. In my heart I desire to be this kind of person, but I never seem to know the right words. It left me pleased because I was having a weird morning and not feeling confident in myself, but through that brief interaction she was able to give me some of her confidence and remind me that I was making a mountain out of a molehill being self-conscious.

I feel most confident when I am on the back of a horse. Your thoughts of what other people think of you have little power when you are literally above people on the back of a mighty creature used for war. On the back of my mare, I know what we are capable of and am willing to try things we have never done before. But without the armor of my war creature, I am just a little girl in a dress. Sometimes it is enough to make me not want to leave the ranch, except to get coffee and books. But that’s only in my head.

I was talking to my dad the other day and I had the realization that you are only a lost cause if you choose to be so (or if you are dead). There is always time to change yourself to who you want to be or practice the things you want to be better at until there is no longer time. That Saturday morning I thought of myself as a lost cause for confidence, until someone reminded me that I was not. So this is me reminding you that you are not a lost cause.

Sincerely and Confidently Yours,

The Rancher’s Daughter